The GOSPEL TRUTH

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BIBLE TESTS

 

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic Elementary School Test. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following Statements about the Bible were written by Children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBUTH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CRATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DEELYLAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILIPPINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7.MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREEDENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNT IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULLTRY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON WAS ONE OF DAVID'S SONS AND HE HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEART SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANT THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER WITH HEY AND COW POOP ALL ROUND.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMAKULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD CAUSE MAYBE IT WAS DIRTY.

19. JESUS PUT IN AFFECT THE GOLDEN RULE WHICH SAYS TO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO SAID A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRACLE WHEN JESUS GOT UP FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE. THAT'S WHY I LOVE JESUS BECAUSE HE WAS VERY STRONG LIKE CAPTEN AMERICA.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALL THE 12 DECYBELS.

22. THE EPISTOLS WERE THE WIFE OF THE APOSTOLS.

23. ONE OF THE POSSUMS WAS ST.MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL COVERTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY MACARONI WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRIAGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE WIFE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

 

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